First Impressions: Portland
Where do I begin? I guess it would have to be with the word vagine, pronounced, vajeen. I was greeted at the airport by rain and 80 degree weather, a combination I had yey to experience in life, and I had to say, it was good. I met the green one at around 8:00 pm and went directly to a hole called Ole Ole, and had the best fuckin taco ive had in my life and was greeted by teo other friends, Old and Kesia. So far so good, as I ate my taco I could see Green plotting on what kind of touristic fairy adventure he was going to take me on next, the rose garden....no, too late. One of the 78 bridges that occupy Portland.....no, he knew I wouldnt go for that. So he took me to a place he knew I would love...a bar.
This wasnt no ordinary bar, at least not one im accostomed to, no this bar was wierd, not wierd in a bad way not at all, but almost....too good to be true and heres why: We didnt get arrested, and get this, we didnt even get kicked out!!!! Let me explain why this doesnt make sence. Old called out 4 girls to fight me like he was fuckin Don King and I was Tyson, it didnt happen but by the looks on the girls' faces and the speed at which they left, they well knew that it could have. 45 minutes later I made a rational decision to break a beer bottle on someoned hotel door, 25 yards away, it had to be done. 30 minutes after that I tried my darndest to convince K.C. to throw one at a girld head, all in honor of the word of the week, Vagine. As you could imagine, I was promptly cut off from the bar service.....now here is where it gets wierd, we didnt even drink that much. Now, I know what your thinking "that much"? we had about 2 shots of whiskey, 2 jagermeister, 1 homosexual concoction, and about 5 beers....are you fuckin kidding me????? I usually drink that much on the way to the bar just to wet the ol' whistle, but I was acting like a drunken nutcase and that usually calls for at least a fifth of something. I woke the next day with questions, green & Old had no explanation, they threw up profusely the night before so I know they felt my confusion, but seemed not to question it as much. Was it the altitude? Something in the drinks? Borat? What gives? This was beautifull, I saved at least $300 that night as opposed to Bay Area drinking, and had Old not fucked with the POS system at the bar to "check his e-mails" we might not have been cut-off and experienced a near death alcoholic experience, ( I love those ) with only a handfull of drinks....????!!!!! Where was I?
Day two was uneventfull and not worth discussing, and as for day three, well, Im going to have to pass the mike to the mick and let him tell his side because my side was, at the very least, blurred. All in all, I had a blast and want to thank the natives for showing a Bay Area boy a great time, thanks Green, Old, Kesia, Cassie, K.C. ( God doesnt that get confusing?) Ill see you guys soon enough. Out.
10 Days & NightsGreen just asked me to write in the blog. I said, "Fuck the blog, let's take shots."
We proceeded to take shots.
